go forward and seize the day, or seize out. sitting in or sneezing out. it's all sleazy to me man. cynicals wet dream of a mirrored distortion, cackling idly meant for the joyous and jovial crowd to gobble up and promises kept become obligitory nightmares for the kinda person you really ended up becoming. smashing glasses onto my vinegar soaked quasi finished facade of a face i make a dash for the next shade of what i thought looked like you... still sulking about the last time we spoke i roll my way into the sunlight and become one with a kind of solarity one would need the arts of staring blankly at the ceiling for hours on end to really wrap your head around. so i go, any which way i feel that i'll meet the least resistance. i must be getting worse at discerning who i am from where'd you go, and the countless other questions i have on my mind still. if it were up to me i'd just be moving along the breeze ambiently making my prescence come and go, soft, ethereal, chiming.
thinking oh my god has it really been almost two days since i had a cigarette? i can't tell if i'm ill or just sad and hungry, though the last thing i want to do is chance cruel fate. though i am woefully aware of the temporality and meaninglessness of a brief stint pretending to be like all other plodding sods, it is in the book that i too must iron out my kinks here, kinks there. how can you be kinky when you gone flat? soda pop pop pop pop pop anyways if you've made it here welcome, you may know me, if you do this kind of word salad poetic moaning is really second nature to me at this point and makes some more sense i'd assume. i rant and ramble and i wish someone would stick around to see it through. i'll try to keep the sentimentality and vulnerability to a minimum on here, after all it erases the notion that i'm too aloof to recognize the eccentric and slightly alarming nature of my thought processes unfiltered by the charcoal of peoples opinion.
without being overwhelmingly sad and heavy to the people that love you, you must kiss the ring of reality and if you've been committed to a fate you'll find soon that it takes more than a new hobby to free yourself from. when the fog rolls in you may consider closing your windows. when you feel the walls fogging your space you consider running a what the fuck nevermind. if you're anything like me you've probably been draggin everyone around you down with your bad attitude, so reafuckingdjust idiot(lovingly, respectfully, kindly) how about a face the facts breakfast date with God but you forgot to brush your hair and you have to decide between getting a full meal or toast and alcohol, because it's a venue people can get fucked for judging your degeneracy due to the socio-economic implications of drinking in the earlier hours of the day. we all know it's okay if you look like you belong to some kind of PTA or other 3 letter useless fuck meeting group. still the entitlement of others to my time and my fate astounds me daily. i'm not here for many great reasons as i'm learning through the abject horror of even having my eyelids autonomously open themselves allowing the stale world i fell asleep in pierce my safe and happy unconciousness cocoon.
now this disjointed mess of a page is the off rip paceless meanderings of a kinda lost mind frantically trying to exercise it's sole ability to conjure ideas and phrases. maybe it was the drugs or concussions or the horrible parenting or or or ororo hey...chill out, the good guy always wins. oh you don't buy that? watch me bitch!!!! the malady of 80 degree early february days should be studied and plainly stated to be a dangerous thrill for those who need to let the salt soak into their brain like a sponge. 2/10/2025 i'm melting in a second story, life on the line for a carrot on a stick, who the fuck invited this guy? any place you wanna be is full of people you'll hate, do they remind you too much of yourself or someone worse than you?
making sense of things in a crunching kinda nails on chalk board style wasabi chopping onions, figuratively, well it felt that way anyhow. what will i do with any of this? nada corazon part of the left brain right brain dichotomy why always in pairs you may ask? one two too to won. i'm sure i sound fucked off but its alright things will be ok. i wonder if i can make it all work in my delusional own little way :p
fairywithashotgun spits on the notion that tethered to any of us are the hums of a predestined symphony, in living we scramble through scaffolding to arrive at a half lit split lip. steak eggs black beans coconut water i feel like a fucking person half the time, til i have to remember where it is our fears all stem from.dub plate minimalism happy to say i could probably go and go and go. it helps to know you aren't alone even when you want to be, unless it doesn't but it's kinda shaky you know? i threw commentbox on this bitch but if you can't post anonymously ima take that shit off.